Managing B.S., I Mean, Disappointment Without Losing Yourself!
- Julie Jones
- 33 minutes ago
- 4 min read
I can say this because I can’t get fined anymore for disputing calls after games.
The Akron Zips were victims of a bad call in the Baton Rouge Regional Softball Tournament on Saturday!!!!
And as I write this week’s Tip, I wonder if I could follow my own advice and what science tells us in this situation. I was THOROUGHLY impressed with the responses of the Akron staff…not sure I would have been allowed to remain in the dugout after the review of this seemingly straightforward call – it was a force, and her foot was on the bag…just in case you’re wondering 😉! I wasn't there, and maybe I didn't have all the info, but I've seen a game or two...and I'm sticking with what I said...
Watching all of this unfold as the Zips battled Virginia Tech, bad call or not, I was reminded of something we all struggle with, athletes, coaches, leaders, parents and honestly, humans in general.
Bad moments change us if we let them!!!
Akron came out on fire. Their pitcher looked loose, confident and in rhythm. She was competing in her second game of the day and third of the weekend, yet she still looked composed and in control. Smiling. Relaxed. Free. She had a GREAT weekend!
Then…. momentum shifted.
A hard hit. The controversial call that dramatically impacted the game. Frustration. Disappointment. And a change in demeanor…
We saw the same thing happen in game 1 of the day for the Zips, but for the other team. The pitcher was on fire…then a solo shot to left…and things changed. The way she looked changed (more on this later!).
This is not criticism of either athlete whatsoever!!!! Akron’s pitcher was tremendous all weekend and competed her heart out, as did their first opponent of the day!
And honestly? Everyone watching both games, depending on who they were rooting for, probably had a change in emotion and demeanor, too!! I know I did after “the call”. I reacted immediately, texting Assistant Coach Sara Zilles…as if she was waiting for a text from me in the middle of the game!
In many ways, our reactions/responses are exactly why this conversation matters so much.
Because this is what pressure and disappointment do to all of us.
One moment changes the next moment if we allow it to.
Research in neuroscience and sport psychology shows us that emotional reactions are not just “mental.” They are physiological. Frustration changes muscle tension. Attention shifts toward the problem instead of the task. Breathing patterns change. Timing changes. Decision-making changes. Our visual focus narrows. The body becomes less fluid and more protective.
In other words, disappointment can literally pull us out of the state that helped us perform well in the first place.
That matters because when athletes are “rolling,” it is usually not just about mechanics or talent. It is also about mindset, emotional state, attentional control and physical freedom.
Loose muscles move differently than tight muscles. Calm eyes see differently than anxious eyes. Free minds process differently than frustrated minds. The challenge is that athletes often wait to “feel better” before they act better.
Elite performers learn the opposite.
They understand that feelings and behaviors are not the same thing.
We do this in life all the time.
You may feel angry during a meeting, but you stay composed. You may feel frustrated in traffic, but you do not react impulsively. You may feel overwhelmed at a funeral, but still smile and laugh, even though you are deeply saddened.
Or as I like to say…sometimes you want to throat punch someone…but you don’t because it’s frowned upon…seriously frowned upon!!
Human beings constantly regulate behavior in situations that matter.
High performers learn to do the same thing in competition.
That does not mean pretending you are not upset. It does not mean becoming emotionless. It does not mean the bad call did not matter.
It means understanding that your response affects what happens next.
One of the biggest myths in performance today is the idea that we must feel confident, calm or positive to perform well.
NOT TRUE!!!!
Sometimes great performers are frustrated. Sometimes they are nervous. Sometimes they are exhausted.Sometimes they are disappointed.
But they have trained themselves to continue displaying behaviors that support performance anyway.
That is emotional discipline.
Your body often follows your behavior faster than it follows your feelings.
Research on posture, breathing, attentional control and emotional regulation consistently shows that behavior can influence physiology. The way we carry ourselves, breathe, focus our eyes and communicate with teammates can either calm the nervous system or further activate it.
This is why routines matter. This is why reset strategies matter. This is why body language matters. This is why we constantly talk about response-ability.
Because difficult moments are guaranteed.
The athletes and leaders who separate themselves are not the ones who avoid frustration.
They are the ones who can experience frustration without completely becoming it.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is to shorten the gap between emotional reaction and productive response.
Can you stay present a little faster? Can you relax your shoulders a little sooner? Can you get your eyes back to the target? Can you communicate instead of withdrawing? Can you choose competitiveness even when confidence wavers?
These are skills. And like every skill in performance, it can be trained.
If you answered “Yes” to these questions, you’re well on your way to competing at your best in tough situations.
If you answered “No”, there is work to do…but ANYONE can learn skills to help them use their talent and training to the best of their ability, no matter the circumstances!!
Everybody feels disappointment. Not everybody manages it well enough to keep performing through it.
Choose one question this week and make a plan…that you can practice…to help you bounce back a little quicker! And if you need a few suggestions…I’m happy to help!
Congratulations to the Akron Zips on a historic season!!! GO ZIPS! And to the VT Hokies for staying strong throughout the game and taking advantage of opportunities! What a finish to two great seasons!
Julie
Julie Jones
Mental Performance Coach
SSB Performance
juliej@ssbperformance.com • 234-206-0946
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