According to Webster, a “standard” is defined as … something established by authority, custom, or general consent as a model or example: something set up and established by authority as a rule for the measure of quantity, weight, extent, value, or quality.
I know, I know. Webster's is “old school”! And from what I hear, if you have standards and expect people to live up to them, you are, too!
You hear about it all the time. Coaches and leaders frequently face pushback against high expectations with complaints about excessive demands or unfair pressures becoming commonplace.
This may be the sentiment for some, but all successful people know that standards (or expectations/boundaries/goals…we will use these interchangeably today) are the foundation of any successful team or individual effort.
There are standards in life.
For instance, you see them on every road in the country. There are white and yellow lines to keep you on track and tell you when you can pass, or not! You see things that tell you how fast you can drive, when to stop and when to let the other guy go first. And if you don’t follow these standards, you are taking the chance of paying the price…trust me on this one!
Imagine a world with no standard for operating. If everyone could do what they want, when and how fast they want, it would be chaos and downright dangerous.
If we only do what makes us happy or what we want when we want, we are in big trouble (and I bet we won’t be satisfied for long). Think about what makes you happy. What if you did that and only that? What would you not be doing that would make your life miserable?
Or what if you did only what you felt like doing or did or worked on the things you like to do? Where would you be today?
We know none of these options are reality, so why do we push back and dig in so quickly when we are asked to meet expectations?
I am not pretending I follow all the rules of the road at every turn, but I have learned the hard way once or twice (my dad isn’t reading this because if he is, he is saying “yeah, right” out loud right now) that if I don’t follow the standards, it will cost me. And if I don’t follow them enough, I won’t be on the road at all!
That is how it works. If you don’t do this, you don’t get to do that.
But this doesn’t seem to be the way people want things to work anymore. If we set standards that aren’t welcome to some, we are asked to change them or worse.
It was years ago now, but I remember my boss asking me why I expected our team to bring their water bottles to practice, and why there were consequences if they didn’t live up to the standard.
It seems innocuous, not to bring a water bottle to practice. But it was an expectation. Why?
First, they were provided with water bottles by the University. Why waste the money if we weren’t going to use them? Secondly, using a water bottle is much faster than having the whole team stand at the water cooler during a practice break. Since classes were hard to work around, we needed to do our work in a 2-hour window when the entire team could be there (or close, at least). Standing in line at a cooler is a waste of time…when you are given a water bottle is to be full before practice, well, then there is no line and everyone can be drinking at the same time.
It seems pretty simple to me…and that is why it was an expectation. We weren’t trying to be jerks. We were trying to have more time to get better! Silly us!
I am sure you have similar examples!
As I thought about this, I was reminded of two stories I read in the past about two different games. Just last week, as I was reading 20 Minutes to a Top Performer: Three Fast and Effective Conversations to Motivate, Develop, and Engage Your Employees, author Alan Vengel used the example of removing the net from a tennis court during a match. He went on to tell his clients to ignore the lines, too, since they only give bad news. He implied they would have a much more enjoyable game if they removed, what he called “the distractions”. He said, tongue in cheek, No net, no lines; now, that’s positive tennis.”
But then what? No net? No lines? How do you keep score or tell who is winning?
No standards. No game! How do we make sense of what we are doing without boundaries? Standards, in this sense, make improvement possible…and measurable!
Jason Selk, in 10-Minute Toughness, tells a similar story. He uses a “pop-a-shot” (don’t get all competitive, Kim Smith 😊), game to explain why it is important to keep track of progress toward goals, but it also reiterates the point that, at some point, you need to keep score.
First, he has all participants take one shot at the hoop. He then asks "How do you feel about taking only one shot?” The participants aren’t thrilled. One shot doesn’t do much…and there can be no clear winner!
He then puts on some fun music, I assume to make it a bit more thrilling since no one is too enthused and then unplugs the machine. He then allows all the participants to shoot as much as they’d like for 60 seconds. Once the time was up, he asked “Who won?”. “Who won?” the participants responded, “Nobody won, because we weren’t keeping score.”
Exactly. You can imagine how different this experience would have been had Selk set a standard/expectation/goal, whatever you choose to call it. People would have been clamoring to rebound and get as many shots off as possible. With no one keeping score, why hustle? Even the most competitive would most likely move with a little less urgency…because there was none!
Standards help us keep score. They keep us on track. They push us. And for champions, they are a way of life!
Heck, we can’t even reach the coveted level of what Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, calls “flow”, the state of deep immersion and enjoyment in an activity, without working toward clear goals that stretch our abilities. Standards and expectations are the necessary challenge that drives us into this optimal state…where we perform at our peak!
To be our best, we need to be pushed!
When we shy away from setting high expectations for fear of being seen as too demanding, we all suffer. Clear standards of behavior and effort are not about being harsh; they are about fostering an environment where excellence can thrive.
So how do we walk the line between setting standards, not being a jerk and keeping people happy? (I cringe as I type that because we know it’s not our job to keep people happy, but you know what I mean!)
COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!
As Jon Gordon says in You Win in the Locker Room First, “Where there is a void in communication, negativity fills it.” Left to our own devices, we make up stories…sometimes horrible and horribly incorrect stories that change our behavior!
We must be crystal clear with everyone, all our stakeholders including our staff, subordinates, peers, parents and administrators, on what we expect. And we need to get them on board AT THE START.
This takes time…and some good old communication theory strategy, but it will prove to be time well spent.
First, DEFINE EVERYTHING. What does hard work look like to you? It may look very different to those you lead, including your staff.
Even the simple and overused word “family” in teams, can be confusing. What family means to you may differ greatly from what family means to someone else. Someone else’s family may mean, staking your claim, watch out for yourself and get ready to be let down.
We must DEFINE everything! What are acceptable behaviors? What are unacceptable behaviors? What do our behavioral standards look, sound, feel like – LIVE LIKE?
We often assume everyone around us understands what we mean, and you know what happens when we ASS U ME!
Our COMMUNICATION can’t stop there. Maybe we can use a few persuasive techniques to help us implement high standards! I was listening to the podcast Hidden Brain to prepare for my “The Art of Communication in Coaching” class and found Dr. Robert Cialdini who studies the science of persuasion. Two of his seven principles may be helpful to us.
If we can get people to talk our talk and commit to what we are doing, we are more likely to get them to support our standards.
On the podcast, Cialdini explains his principle of CONSISTENCY through a story about getting people to commit to something small, so they remain consistent in their behavior when larger asks are needed.
Researchers conducted an experiment where they asked homeowners to place a small, unobtrusive sign in their windows that supported safe driving. This request was easy and required minimal effort, so many homeowners agreed to do it.
A few weeks later, the same homeowners were asked to place a large, unsightly billboard in their front yards, also promoting safe driving. Despite the larger nature of this request, many who had agreed to the small sign were now willing to accept the larger sign.
Why would they do this? We like to be seen as consistent!
People strive to maintain consistency in their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors. After agreeing to the small sign, homeowners began to see themselves as supporters of the safe driving cause. This self-perception made it easier to agree to the larger request to stay consistent with their self-image.
The initial small action aligns their behavior with the cause. When asked to take further action, they want to maintain this alignment to avoid cognitive dissonance, which occurs when actions are inconsistent with beliefs.
How can you use this to help those you lead…and those who support them (who often have more influence than you do) to get “your foot in the door” and then keep them stepping in your direction? I bet your mind is churning with ideas!!
If you get those you lead to commit to something you think is important to success, and if they do it publicly, this increases the likelihood they will follow through to maintain consistency in who they say they are…and in the eyes of others!
Finally, another idea I recommend you work into your toolbox Cialdini shared is to GET THEM TALKING…and when I say them, I mean anyone who has any influence over those you lead. He shares a tactic a friend used to change his luck in job interviews.
The friend, after several unsuccessful interview attempts, changed his first interaction with his interviewers. According to Cialdini, he would say, "I'm very happy that you had me come in, and I want to answer all of your questions, I'm curious about something. I wonder if you could answer a question for me. Why did you invite me here? What was it about my resume, about my qualifications, about my background, that caused you to invite me?"
These questions forced those in the room to make comments…which became commitments, to the things that made him a fit for the job. He found that they would continue to look for the good things he offered and ways he would fit the position. This proved to be a VERY productive approach!
This simple question encouraged those in the room to stay committed and consistent with their initial behavior!
Can you do this? Ask those coming in to chat why they chose your program or organization. Getting them to talk consistently about what drew them to you will encourage them to remain consistent to their initial ideas and more committed to your program!
What do you think? Could these things move the needle? We need to start somewhere…why not give them a try?
If you’re “old school” like me, why not try a few new ideas? They may help move your program forward!
Manage the moments!
Julie
P.S. Reach out and get scheduled for the upcoming year! Send me a text at 234-206-0946 or an email at juliej@ssbperformance.com and get on my schedule as we approach the new year!
Julie Jones
Mental Performance Coach
SSB Performance
juliej@ssbperformance.com • 234-206-0946
Comments