Would You Follow You? The Question Every Leader Must Ask!
- Julie Jones
- Sep 26
- 4 min read
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“If everyone I lead copied me… would I be proud or concerned?”
In preparing for leadership sessions this week at three area high schools, this question popped into my mind.
It stopped me in my tracks.
It forced me to look in the mirror and evaluate not what I said I valued, but what I actually modeled day in and day out. And whether you’re leading athletes, employees or even your own family, this is a question worth asking often.
I hope this question made the high school leaders I was with yesterday take note as well!
Because leadership always starts in the mirror! And self-awareness is our superpower!
Peter Drucker once said, “You cannot manage other people unless you manage yourself first.” It’s true. Leadership isn’t about telling people what to do. It’s about showing them what’s possible.
And as always, research backs this up.
According to Daniel Goleman’s quintessential work, Emotional Intelligence, self-awareness and self-regulation are the foundation of leadership. If we can’t regulate our own emotions, we can’t expect our team to regulate theirs.
And as Amy Edmonsdson’s work in psychological safety claims, we are the mirror…they are the reflection! If we model calm, openness and accountability. Our team and teammates are more likely to do the same. If we model defensiveness, panic or negativity, that spreads too!
And as I shared with attendees last week at the National Parks and Recreation National Conference, we are contagious! Sigal Barsade’s work shows that emotions spread like wildfire. Our energy, our mood, even our body language…they are all contagious…very contagious!
Simply put: people don’t just hear us, they catch us.
Other research helps explain why it’s so hard to be truthfully aware of our behaviors and their effect on others, culture and performance.
To start, it’s so easy to see the flaws in others while excusing our own. As the verse says: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3).
Psychologists call this the actor–observer bias (Jones & Nisbett, 1971). We judge others based on their actions, but we judge ourselves based on our intentions. For example, when I cut someone off when driving, I excuse it because I was in a rush. But when someone else cuts me off,
I see it as a flaw in their character. They are a jerk! 😉
This connects directly to what researchers call the Fundamental Attribution Error (Ross, 1977). We consistently overestimate that other people’s mistakes reflect their personality or character, while we underestimate the situational pressures they’re under. At the same time, we overestimate that our own mistakes are situational and temporary, not character flaws.
Put simply: “My behavior is justified… but yours is unacceptable.”
This is why the mirror question is so powerful. It forces us to confront the plank in our own eye first…our habits, tone, and behaviors before we point to the speck in others.
The bottom line? Leaders who acknowledge their own “planks” (flaws, mistakes, growth areas) build more trust and psychological safety in their teams.
Clearly, our behavior influences others, AND it affects our ability to perform individually and as a group!
Research in sport psychology shows that athletes who model consistent effort, emotional regulation and quick recovery after mistakes set the standard for resilience and focus under pressure. In mental performance, we know that self-talk, composure and reset speed directly affect confidence and focus. If everyone copies a leader’s poor response to adversity, performance collapses. But if everyone mirrors a leader’s calm reset, solution focus and next-play mentality, performance improves across the team.
Here’s the real question and one I asked yesterday…and the response was heartfelt and real!
What happens if everyone did what you do?
Imagine if everyone on your team or in your organization matched your preparation, spoke to themselves the way you speak to yourself, responded to mistakes the way you do, treated others the way you do in private and in public or did that extra rep every set?
Would your culture be one of discipline, growth and accountability? Or one of excuses, inconsistency and frustration?
LeBron James invests over $1 million each year in his sleep, diet and recovery. Do his teammates notice? Absolutely. He doesn’t have to lecture them on preparation. He shows them.
Admiral McRaven reminded us to “make your bed”. Small, consistent daily habits ripple outward into larger victories. Remember, consistency outweighs intensity in the long run!
Microsoft’s CEO Satya Nadella transformed the company’s toxic “know-it-all” culture into a “learn-it-all” culture by modeling humility, curiosity and empathy himself.
They didn’t just say it. They lived it. And others followed. And in the meantime, they elevated
their performance and continued to set the standard for growth and excellence!
For all of us who lead and work to help our leaders grow, here’s the power of this question.
It creates accountability. Before you ask it of others, you ask it of yourself.
It sparks awareness. Athletes and employees see how much their daily behaviors shape the environment.
It builds culture. If everyone is aware of the ripple effect of their actions, the group polices itself around standards.
So here is this week’s challenge: Ask yourself and those you lead…
If everyone I lead copied me today, what would my team look like?
What one behavior would make me proud if others mirrored it?
What one behavior would concern me — and how will I change it?
Leadership begins in the mirror. Our athletes, our employees, our children? They’re watching us more than they are listening to us.
So, if everyone copied you, what kind of culture would you create?
Our goal is to be proud of the answer.
Manage the moments!
Julie
P.S. Add a 3-session mental lab into your fall season. Reach out and let’s build the perfect one for you! Shoot me an email or text – juliej@ssbperformance.com or 234-206-0946
Julie Jones
Mental Performance Coach
SSB Performance
juliej@ssbperformance.com • 234-206-0946
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