The Comparison Trap: How It Hurts (and Sometimes Helps) Performance and What to Do About It!
- Julie Jones
- Sep 16
- 5 min read
Check out this week's Game Changers: Athlete Edition Podcast with sports nutritionist Brian Parana
I’ve been trying to stay off social media this week. Scrolling hasn’t been good for me…it has made me profoundly sad. I’ll keep my reasons for feeling sad to myself, but reflecting on how social media has affected me over the past few days has made me pause and consider its broader impact on me.
And you probably know what I mean. If you’ve ever scrolled and checked out what others are doing and felt your stomach drop…welcome to the club. Comparison is human. And often it’s not helpful.
I often find myself thinking, “Maybe I should do that” or “I need to catch up with what s/he’s doing.” Yeah…neither is true…and when looked at through this perspective…not helpful!
However, the good thing is that how we compare is trainable.
Humans use other people as mirrors. Classic social psychology calls this social comparison, a built-in way we evaluate our abilities and opinions by looking around.
Whether we look “up” to someone better or “down” to someone worse shifts our mood, motivation and our choices. Upward looks can inspire growth OR trigger doubt; downward looks can calm us OR make us coast.
The effects depend on mindset, context and what we do next.
So, should we root out comparison? No! But it can be a double-edged sword!
So often we rely on research to nail down what we should do…but this time it weighs in with a decisive “it depends” on whether it’s good for us or not!
In athletes and students, upward comparisons often raise anxiety and dent global self-esteem, especially in fragile moments. Yet they can also spark self-improvement when framed as information for growth.
Downward comparisons may briefly boost mood but can reduce effort. That’s why I coach athletes to convert comparison into data, not drama..but it’s easier said than done…for all of us!
Those darn algorithms know what they are doing! We know that platforms are engineered to surface eye-popping “bests.” And for young athletes, studies link heavier social media use with more upward comparison, lower self-esteem, and heightened anxiety or depressive symptoms.
We are constantly exposed to curated excellence and real-time metrics…the likes, the views, the leaderboards. And all these sneak in and take up space….and kick in our innate negativity bias…and often, all we can see is what we aren’t!
The good news is that the effects are modifiable. What we see and how we interpret it changes the outcome. So once again…it comes down to our #1 tool…our mindset.
There are some good things about comparison. Fitness-tracking communities (think WHOOP) can motivate through connection and “kudos.” But the same metrics can nudge obsessive comparison for certain people.
I saw this go both ways in a non-profit team I work with every other week. We all have WHOOP bands…and some people LOVE the information… and it was on…who can burn the most calories and get the best sleep!
Others…well…they make them feel WORSE about their fitness and overall health. Focusing on shared metrics and seeing what others were doing with exercise, sleep and other metrics turned into pressure…and a way to do more self-loathing! NOT GOOD!
Comparison can build…or bruise…our internal and external climates, too!
Comparison isn’t limited to social media sites, fitness trackers or high school hallways. If we think of our roles as leaders…we are major players in the comparison game, too! And we need to step back and think about how we contribute to comparison…since we shape the motivational climate in our organizations…and comparison can drive…or detract from motivation!
We’ve all been around coaches who try to use comparison as a motivator, but it often backfires. I remember watching a coach I worked with way back in the day yell out to the court, “Get the ball to Audra, she’s an All-American.” Of course, Audra was good. I don’t think she was ever an All-American, but the coach was pointing out that she was the stud…so get her the ball…or be like her. In this case, I don’t think it helped anyone up their game…nor did it help Audra! I’m sure the message for at least one person on the court was, “You aren’t as good as Audra….so get rid of the ball…quickly!”
I’m not saying we don’t call out our superstars; there is not a professional team on the planet that doesn’t highlight an individual. But we must be cognizant of how we use comparison.
Research shows that a task or mastery climate where we emphasize effort, learning and role clarity supports well-being and self-discipline. If we promote an ego or performance climate where we highlight public rankings or calling out who’s better or worse can spike pressure and maladaptive comparison.
Thus, it’s up to us to use comparison to model process and progress.
This all sounds so Pollyanna. But often these days, comparison isn’t a facilitative tool, so thinking about how we can help it be one and use it to our advantage is important!
And as always…our MINDSET matters!
How we interpret comparison drives what happens next. Enter Dr. Dweck and her growth mindset idea that leads us to an upward comparison, which can read as a roadmap (“What can I learn?”).
But the flip side of that coin, a fixed mindset, reads comparison as a verdict (“I’m not good enough.”)
So, what to do?
We can help our athletes reframe what they see and turn it into data, not drama! Instead of worrying if we’re as good as Audra, we can ask,“What’s one behavior she does that I can test this week?”
Maybe instead of keeping the thought that “She’s just faster” and letting that eat at us, we can move from outcome to process with something we can EXCECUTE like, “Her first three steps are violent; I’ll train my first three steps daily.”
We can take note, name what we see and narrow it down to one action to help make us better!
We can also influence our algorithm. It doesn’t take long to get different stuff to pop on our feed. Heck, sometimes I am thinking about a product and it shows up…before I ever talk about it with anyone. SCARY! But we can make our algorithm work for us…by following process-focused accounts, and not unlike our tools for managing our focus, we can define what distracts us and unfollow/mute known triggers.
Implementing a post-game pause is also another positive move! Instituting a 12–24-hour no-posting/no-scrolling window after competitions to minimize rumination and hot comparisons gives us time to process our performance without influence.
We can also go back to our handy and helpful Evidence Journal! If we take just a few minutes each day to log 3 controllables executed, 1 adjustment, 1 win unrelated to stats, we’re training your Reticular Activating System to spot progress, not just threats. AND we are reminding ourselves of our own progress and highlights…not just the perfected images we see from others!!
Comparison isn’t going away, and if we use it right, we don’t want it to! When we treat it as information, we turn a performance hazard into a performance lever. Just like the Power Moves say, we can always curate our inputs and outputs and keep our behaviors competitive.
There’s a time and place to look around. Figuring out how to use looking around to our advantage is the key!
So look up…look around…but look inside first and figure out how you can pull data to help from all
around you!
Manage the moments!
Julie
P.S. Add a 3-session mental lab into your fall season. Reach out and let’s build the perfect one for you! Shoot me an email or text – juliej@ssbperformance.com or 234-206-0946
Julie Jones
Mental Performance Coach
SSB Performance
juliej@ssbperformance.com • 234-206-0946
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