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I'm NOT Confident! WHY?

Mindset Made Simple Tip #34 – I’m NOT Confident!

In last week’s tip I told you about my “confident” son and his comment to his coach. At the next practice the coach told me “your son is so competitive.” My immediate reaction was, “really?”

Confident and competitive. NICE! He’ll turn 9 next month….so we will see! I have no idea if my son will swim past the age of 10, but I do know that natatoriums are not good for curly haired moms 😊. But, after spending 26 years coaching softball in the “Spring” in Ohio, having a consistent climate to sit in isn’t such a bad thing! See how I found that BRIGHT SPOT 😊!

Whether or not my son is confident or competitive, I am certain he will run into situations that will knock him down and test both characteristics.

Even the toughest of us become self-doubters!

So what do we do when Doubting Thomas shows up? Or when that annoying roommate we talked about last week interrupts our peace?

What do we do when we are on a losing streak even though we know we are playing a tough schedule, when COVID has disrupted our preparation, when we can’t convert a sale (or a recruit for you coaches) or our when our progress has stalled?

First and foremost, we must remember our WHY!

If we don’t take time to think about and keep ourselves tied to our WHY, Doubting Thomas will sneak in and make us question our commitment, our approach and whether we should keep our heart in it for fear of getting hurt.

What all know WHAT we do and HOW to do it.

To do it well, we must stick to a PROCESS.

Unfortunately, when we get stressed or things don’t go our way we sometimes walk away from or question our PROCESS.

We know that PROGRESS does not happen without PROCESS, yet our Negative Nelly/Doubting Thomas mind sneaks in to take us off course at the first sign of trouble!

This is why we must define and keep our WHY top of mind.

Our WHY is what makes what we do special. It separates us from everyone else.

It is our purpose for putting in long hours – for pushing ourselves past the point of comfort both physically and mentally. It is what motivates us. It can also inspire others we lead or play alongside to take action.

When the going gets tough…or the road gets a little rocky (for some this is enough to move away from their PROCESS), it is time to bust out the WHY reminders.

Or maybe we need to have a WHY building session to be sure we all know WHY.

Unfortunately, a lot of the kids we coach and people we lead have someone else’s WHY in their head. This can lead to unrealistic expectations, a lack of true commitment to what they are doing and a sense that they are going to disappoint if they don’t perform a certain way.

It isn’t just our kids who are carrying around other people’s WHYs!!!!!

If we are tied to OUR OWN WHY, we/they will be more motivated and less burdened which may free us all up a bit to find more joy – and we all know that POSTIIVE EMOTION is a key predictor of PEAK PERFORMANCE!

So, when Doubting Thomas shows up, take some time to pull out and broadcast that WHY statement.

If you need to build one, sit down and think about these things: When are you at your very best (and worst), what lights you up and energizes you and what is the purpose of your role in what you are doing?

Once you answer theses questions, make a simple “To ________ so that _________.”

As a coach or leader, yours may look something like this – ““To leave a positive impact on lives the lives of those I lead so that they can learn and grow to reach their true potential.” Or…” to lead and act in a way that shows my children the value of hard work, showing love and a commitment to constant improvement”

Our athletes may be more sport related but must involve emotion and impact, either personal or collective. It can’t be just to make their parents happy. However, it can be as simple as why they do what they do…and maybe that is tied to the memory of their grandma or loved one.

Whatever your WHY is, no matter how fancy or deep, we must keep it in sight – ESPECIALLY when we get stressed or disappointed – which is all a part of competition and performance.

Even Thomas came back to his WHY! It took seeing and feeling the wounds, but his commitment did prevail…and so can ours!

We may not have something physical to touch or see as Thomas did (wouldn’t that have been something!), but our mind’s eye – visualizing what the world looks like when our WHY is working - and our emotion can keep us connected to our PROCESS when we keep our WHY front and center!

Here’s to a great week!


P.S. Remember, if you are in and out of quarantine or need a positive activity to change things up due to cancellations, schedule a FREE STAFF or TEAM SESSION with me to talk about using the disruption to grow your team’s mental game – we can build our WHY’s together 😊!

Certified Mental Performance & Mindset Coach

SSB Performance • 234-206-0946



Be strong and courageous. Joshua 1:9


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